She has no idea how much what she says bothers me. She doesn’t realize how much it hurts. “Just smile.” “Where’s the happy girl?” “Why aren’t you happy anymore?” “Where’s the smile?” “Just smile and be happy.” Do you really think it’s that easy? Do you really think that if I could just ‘be happy’ and smile I would? But you don’t even think twice. Maybe I can’t always explain why I’m not happy. Maybe I have no clue what’s wrong or why I feel the way I do. I know it could be worse. Trust me this isn’t a choice. I don’t want to be or feel like this. I wish I could tell you where that happy girl went. I wish I knew what was wrong. I wish I could explain what I feel to you. But I can’t even explain it to myself. I wish I could fix me for you. I wish I could fix me for me. I’m sorry. Maybe someday that happy girl will come back, just as easily as she left. And if not, I’m sorry to disappoint you. But please know I’m trying I really am. When I fake smile and tell you I’m fine, I really am trying to be fine. I’m trying I promise. I’ll get better. I promise.